You Are Not His Mama fua! Girl, Know Your Position!

 

I was one day laying on my bed, listening to Christmas carols (it was the second day of the year though), as some source of therapy. My neighbour's friends had visited her. Ladies ofcourse. So they were debating. At first, I was just giving my carols 85 % attention. The remaining 15% was on them, just because my ears couldn't ignore them; until one thing caught my attention. "Mimi siezi wacha chali yangu ajifulie na nikona mikono", (I can't let my boyfriend wash his clothes by himself,  while I have hands). I gasped. I even turned the volume on the radio lower, coz minding other people's business is always my business, mostly if it interests me.

The ladies chipped in, making the debate hotter; on the tasks they do for their boyfriends and those that they don't.  And they were sharing with each other the kind of house chores they must do for them whenever they pay a visit. They even exchanged on the roles a woman or a wife MUST pertake in their societies. I was shocked. The arguments made me question the essence of gender roles. 

Another day, I was listening to a morning radio show, and the hosts brought in a topic on whether or not a lady should do house chores for their boyfriends. People were sending messages and making calls, with diverse opinions; some in support of the same while others objected. All that time, I felt creating a poster or a banner or whatever with just a message that as a girlfriend, do not act as a wife. This is even more complicated for unmarried humans living together. 

According to Nairaland Forum (2013), a relationship is a two way thing; not just rely on your partner do everything while you just sit and watch. It is a relationship. 

Let's not focus on what research and studies indicate first.  Let us view things as they are. So imagine this scenario as a lady; Smith is your boyfriend (well, that's because you believe he is): Smith has never asked you to be his girlfriend, you found yourself dating him, he has never made you a priority and neither his friends or family knows you. Smith has not invested in you in any way. And so you as Triza spares your time every weekend and sometimes in the week days too - finds Smith's laundry basket full, a sink full of dirty utensils and unkempt house. Without wasting time, you do all the cleaning and bring the house in order. You go ahead to change his bedsheets . You two then spend the whole night having sex and then leave to your place. And the schedule continues. Let's even make it better; Smith is a perfect "boyfriend" for you and maybe you believe or think he will marry you; so you are rehearsing as a wife. 

You might be loving him so much to the extent that you can do anything for him. But as a lady, if you don't have a ring on your finger, identifying as Smith's wife or atleast families from both sides know you people are together...run away from his chores. Usiguze murima! You are making him relax, knowing after all he has someone to do the cleaning for him. Second, he is already seeing you as a working machine. A submissive traditional girl who doesn't mind sparing her time doing house duties, and not even sure if she is the future wife. Third,  he might not even marry you. See..after all those efforts and time in cleaning up for him, and you guys part ways; he will not have anything to lose.

Well, I ain't saying that you ladies should not help at all...but please know your position in that man's life. Imagine after all that dedication and that kalenjin boyfriend of yours ends up saying to your face "I will marry my fellow kalenjin after all", where will you go to cry? Or "I have a girlfriend that I will marry",  simply because you assumed you are his and jumped into his life in full force? Even If you are convinced enough that he'll marry you, please just chip in to help but don't be his mamafua. You are not his wife! Unless you are extremely idle.

Again, I'm not implying that even as a wife, your duty should just do his laundry, no. But atleast he will be your husband and you will be obliged to ensure he is clean and tidy. But as a mere girlfriend or so as you think, let him do his house chores. He is his own responsibility and not you. Know your worth. And don't over rely on his materials things that makes you feel obliged to do his cleaning.  Be classy! Doesn't cost! Come on..