"Does Chasing Around His "side chicks" Make Him Stay?

 

One day, I was trimming my nails while seated on a small mat inside my house, wondering what the weekend would be like. It was on a Friday. I was single and not searching. Maybe weekends with opposite genders always sound fascinating, even if you fighting. That's weird though. My neighbours (couples) used to spend most of their weekends outside the house. Well, just on the compound near their door. The lady would wash, well, scrub, the guy's short hair full of shampoo while rinsing it with warm water. I don't know if scrubbing is the right word or even whether the water was warm. But the guy would seem to enjoy every rythm of the scrubbing and moments of water pouring and I would stare at them with envying eyes. And finally conclude with "ni vitu za dunia" and turn back my ears to the girlfriend of the other neighbour, raising her voice and complaining that the guy has not taken her out for some time. Oh weekends. I would laugh to that actually. And thought. Being not in a relationship was easier. But happy? Anyway.

 So my phone's cellular data was on. A message popped up on my phone's screen. I almost cut the tiny skin beneath the nail I was holding, "Wachana na chali yangu please, na uwache kumtext" (leave my boyfriend alone and stop texting him), read the message. Written by a lady who maybe hadn't had time to kempt her hair or atleast wash the stack of dirty bras in her laundry basket. I laughed loudly.

It was a sarcastic laugh. A critic one. Critic? Oops yes. A silly laugh. That laugh of "what is this idle lady talking about" and also the "why is she idle" laugh. I pressed on the message ready to empty on her the weirdo feeling that my weekend would probably be boring. It was a new number. At first, I didn't want violence before listening to the side of her story. So I just replied with "chali mgani" (which boy) and made sure it was as polite as it appeared before pressing the send button. I thought that maybe the lady or the sender in the other side of the phone would be so mature too. But maybe that word never existed in their dictionary. She called me all sort of names. I remember her saying that he was even fucking her so it was a waste of time for me to keep exchanging texts with him. That sinked. Stupidly sank. What?. Oh well, the gracing of premarital sex. I even wished that the guy was indeed having unprotected sex with other girls too and that she would contract an STD. Or even get pregnant. I couldn't help myself than let another "why is this girl so stupid" laugh. It was the funniest part of the day. I was even confused coz I had no idea what or who she was talking about.

 That previous evening, yes I might have talked to a few men. I don't remember what we talked about, but nothing near flirting. It's the last thing I would do, unless you are smart in the head, tall and have veiny arms. Maybe I can try. Also, the idea of her going through the guy's WhatsApp and picking every number of the lady he was talking to and graduating her stupidity to another level by texting them (who knows she only targeted me) was so disturbing, and made me question nature really boldly, of why it would present such a lady who might have a potential, as stupid. Poor girl she was trying so hard, but there was something else better she could have done to keep her occupied. Maybe read a book entitled "Silly Insecurities".

Another day, I was at my friends. Someone knocked on the door. We were dancing to a lingala mix in the middle of a rhumba play list. What a good time. I offered to open the door. Three ladies bulged in, and seemed to be in serious or worse, fighting mood. I was supposed to be leaving before the lingala songs started playing, but there was no way I could have left my friend with random strangers.  Ladies. And without finding out what the wanted. They were hesitant to say what had brought them, but my friend assured them that they were not to mind me.

And so, one kinda dark-skinned lady, braids on the head and on jeans that almost fit started speaking. She seemed terrified. The friends were quiet. I remember her exact words to my friend, "Nilikuwa nakuja kuconfirm kama ni wewe unaongea na chali yangu nikuachie" (I was coming to confirm whether it's you my boyfriend is talking to, i surrender him to you). Shit. Not this shit again. Absolutely not this shit again. If it were not for the look my friend gave me, the "don't laugh first" look, I swear I could have rolled on the floor with the greatest laughter of them all. And just like I had asked the other girl, my friend responded with "what boy". And that's when she took out her phone, pressed finger print at the back of it to unlock, and showed her the photo of whoever he was referring to. It was like she had the photo ready before coming in, coz it was just there as soon as she unlocked the phone. My friend and I took the phone and whaat the heeell?! It was the man she had just started seeing. No way we could not laugh at that. We had to laugh first before continuing, not because of the coincidence but to the fact that the guy had almost swore by his grandfather's name that he was single. That was not all. My friend didn't deny it but he told her what bullshit the man was feeding her with. My friend, without hesitating, sat up like she had remembered something and wanted to use that chance, weird chance to speak out. She asked the strange lady whether she was the one, whose part of legs (in pink socks), the guy had posted in his WhatsApp status a week earlier. We could have rolled on the floor with even the mightiest laughter of them all but it wasn't even funny anymore, when the lady said she don't even own pink socks. 

Whooh! The look on her face. The smooth laughter inside of me that wouldn't wait. The shock in the room. The shame. The regrets. The "who created this gender with penes that can't stick in the same place" shock. Even if they have a lady who is willing to go out and fight for them. That thought made me chocked by saliva. Coz I almost laughed. Funny. I reached to a half full cup of water and attempted to make it all fit in my cheeks with one gulp. I felt her pain. The pain plus shame. The regrets of going out to fight for a man, with the probability that in the list of his ladies, you ain't even top five.

I don't know whether men do the same too but it's stupid. And to the ladies out there who are planning to do the same, it's a waste of time I'm telling you. Give yourself a break. Why do you all go around wasting time chasing and fighting this gender in the name of boyfriends? Why do you find it interesting to pick the contacts of every lady he might be talking to and go around looking for them? Whether you like it or not, it's a waste of time.

This gender will only stay and stick around only if they feel the need to do so and want to. Instead, why don't you focus on being better girlfriends for them? Present yourselves as smart, focus on your careers, dreams and ambitions, build yourselves and concentrate on your hobbies? Just do anything but waste your time with purely stupid things. They won't add any positive energy in your life. Be your own priorities. He will atleast respect you for that instead of showing him everyday how idle and silly you are! Give yourself a break!